christmas eve.

ive always found breaks from school a good time to reflect. on what you ask? on how petty the whole thing really is, christmas i mean. and i know it sounds scroogey and cliche, but thats what its come to nowadays. its the day before christmas eve. im listening to beautiful instrumental music, im warm although my always cold fingers are holding to their legacy. but if future shadi were to visit my room or even house right now, they would never guess its christmas time. although there is a christmasy snowman on the wrapper of the butterscotch im eating. every year, i look forward to christmas, the gifts, the sales, the excuses to shop... but every year i wake up on christmas day and i feel exactly the same as the day before, and the day before that, and the day before that.* just a little more disappointed. i wish santa were real, so he could visit me, hold me, ask me what i want, and i would simply ask for a day that feels different. life is underwhelming, and holidays are false hope for change.

anywho, today i saw the movie 'up in the air'. it wouldnt recommend it if you dont like r rated content, but it was most definitely thought provoking. its about a man who spends most of the year up in the air, in air planes traveling because he fires people for a living. can you imagine the thrill of always seeing the world from above? would it make the world feel big, and you small? or you big, and the world small? can you imagine traveling the same distance as going round trip to the moon 20 times? i think it would be spectacular. i love flying, and travel. i love airport food and drinks in the planes, and just the whole thing. but i dont know if i could be alone that often. technically the guy is homeless for goodness sake, thats pretty extreme. anywho...

i will blog more, i will blog more, i will blog more... etc.
just so you know. (new years res.)

so goodbye.
*on a side note, im quite the opposite about new years. im painfully aware of the passing time. i remember the transition between 07 and 08 where i claimed i had an 07 bubble that people could visit if they wanted to, and it surrounded me and kept me safe. talk about stuck in the past...